Stop Going After “Mr. Big”

In the spirit of Sex and the City coming back soon to grace our screens, I thought it would be an appropriate time to share one of my unpopular opinions: Mr. Big sucks. Now let me set the record straight…Mr. Big the character sucks, young Chris North, however? *chef’s kiss*. 

The reason why I have such an issue with Mr. Big’s character is because he is the classic trope of “I hate everyone but you” and let me tell you, that is not the person to fall for. It’s a false narrative perpetually shown in romance movies and novels that people follow only to be disappointed by. The guy who hates everything is angry, aggressive, and does not see you as an exception, because that is who he is and there is no person who is going to change that. It is naive of you to think that you could ever change anyone, especially someone who is narcissistic, oblivious, capricious…should I go on?

Mr. Big. is a guy that we all have experienced, if not directly than peripherally. Carrie’s nickname for him came from the concept that he can walk into a room and all eyes are on him without even doing anything. He’s captivating, intriguing, large and in charge, so of course, Carrie had to spend the whole tv-series and movies trying to make things work with him. But if you’re a true fan I think the series showed us that we should stay away from the Mr. Big’s instead of chasing them. 

Of course, there’s the temptation of Mr. Big’s, the affluence, the exclusivity, all of that makes you think it’s worth it. Do I think Mr. Big is terrible throughout the whole series? No, he does have some good moments. However, that is just another reminder to not see people as their highlights, but for their whole self. The fleeting sense of happiness and lust will always be clouded by the everlasting hurt and ambiguity, trust me. 

After writing most of this post, I listened to one of my favorite podcasts, We Met At Acme, and there was an episode with the Bradshaw Boys, a group of middle-aged men who have a podcast where they watch Sex and the City and talk about the show. They brought up a super interesting point that honestly changed the way I thought about Big and Carrie’s relationship. “Big is painted as this villain, but the reality is, Carrie is very obsessive, and Big is very transparent. Like he is saying I cannot give you what you want…” This was an AHA moment for me as I had never really thought about Carrie’s role in their relationship and how maybe she is actually the toxic one. They’re right, Mr. Big is completely honest about his feelings which Carrie should be taking as his truth but instead wants to believe he’s playing hard to get. At this point, I realized my hatred for men distorted my perspective and that maybe Carrie had a way bigger impact on why this relationship is shitty than I originally thought. “The fact that she does end up getting him in the end, is that a plot that tells women it’s okay to deal with this toxic relationship if you really think he is the one? Like just keep holding on?” I was listening to this like ‘damn, that was some deep wisdom right there’. So a new question stands, does Mr. Big’s transparency make up for his lack of trust and instability?

Am I an expert on love? No. Have I been in a lot of relationships? No. Have I even talked to someone of my desired sex in the past 18 months? Maybe not!!!! But what I do know is that at the end of the day, Mr. Big will not be your soulmate. He won’t be the one you want to rely on when you need someone or the one you introduce to your family. So here’s today’s lesson: Stop going after Mr. Big, and instead just go after the Harry’s of the world, the Smith’s, or even the Steve’s (minus the cheating.) I’m not looking for someone right now but when I do, I promise they will be very different from Big. How about we call him Mr. Tiny, actually! Someone who always puts your feelings first, supports you in your personal and professional endeavors, and is always down to kick it with your girlfriends. Here’s to all of us finding our Mr. Tiny!